Another Day One

Well, here I go. It is getting really hard for me to leave my home. I can't stay away from alcohol. Yesterday I had to have a margarita. It was a medium size one and your could practically soak your feet in it because it was that big. After I had that one well of course I had to have more. Since when is an alcoholic satisfied with one? So off to the store for a bottle of kahlua. I came home and had some with milk. Of course when my husband comes home, he can tell and asks me to blow into the breathlalyzer and it comes out positive and I try to lie and say it must be broken. How pathetic is that? I see some people blog about staying sober and I wonder how do they do it? I have done the AA thing and I can't seem to ask for help. So I am not working a program. But then I see some of you guys doing it without a program and wonder why can't I? How do you all do it? I am getting tired of the struggle. Anyone out there?