Half Measures...

For 2 years I have been the queen of half measures. In The Big Book of AA in chapter 5 before it tells us how the 12 steps work it tells us that half measures availed us nothing. I have 2 years of white-knuckling scars to prove it. I was hoping that somehow I could drink like normal people again. I just couldn't believe I was really an alcoholic. Well, I AM!!! I surrender. I can NOT, nor will EVER again be able to drink. EVER!!! It is a relief to finally be able to accept this. I can't find an easier softer way. But I have found hope in the meetings that I have been half-heartedly attending on behalf of the nursing boards and then my husband. So today I picked up THE MOST important chip, the slip chip. And I could not wait to get it. I told my therapist just this Monday that I was not going to be picking up anymore slip chips or attending anymore meetings. How do you like that display of defiance? My addiction was in full control of my faculties. I even drank and blew positive in a breathalizer and called IT a liar. INSANITY. I am very grateful to say today, "My name is Debbie and I am powerless over alcohol. I am an alcoholic." Day 1. September 11, 2013. Happy Birthday to me:)